I CAN MOONWALK!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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