If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
