Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
