I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
