...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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