I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
