yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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