No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
North Korea, Best Korea!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
