Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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