I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
