this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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