I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
