I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
