it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
