Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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