If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
