I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
