Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
