I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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