It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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