ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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