so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
