i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
