Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
