I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
