just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
