Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
