I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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