i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
