i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
