batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
