Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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