you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
