Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
