Me too!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
