I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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