how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
