my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
