also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
