I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
