Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
