You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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