That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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