is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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