Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
