your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
