next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
