I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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