Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
