Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
