My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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